Hello, New York is an inspiring place. On Tuesday I went to see LTJ Bukem DJing @ Centro-Fly. It was wicked. I love the way people move to drum and bass - so much more instinctive and sensual than techno. Met Sarah - she dressed dorky to hide the fact that she was really fit. She was an excellent dancer. I tried to make her kidnap me but it didn't work out.

The other day I made a stencil and did my first bit of spray-art in New York - or anywhere for that matter - it was fun.

Last night I was at a rooftop rave in Brooklyn and ended up going completely crazy with Kevin and Luciana. We were throwing paint everywhere and using fire hydrants as musical instruments and shouting "DESTROY EVERYTHING!"

Jen and Rikky had a party last Thursday. It was mostly a good laugh though a bit awkward at times. There were some really nice people there like that artsy designer girl and the funny fat caner girl who kept getting us more and more stoned. I got a bit paranoid I think. We got a taxi back across Brooklyn Bridge.

Tara's dog's dead. She was fighting back the tears and I really felt for her.

I've been thinking a lot and feel a bit melancholy like something is missing not just in me but in the whole way people interact and the social constraints. I just wish it was easier to communicate and we didn't have to go through so much shit... I guess this feeling arises when you're meeting nice people who you know you probably will never see again, and you feel like you want to get to know them instantly, and you do in a way, because you have to rely on them in the absence of anyone else who you might know better. I feel this underlying regret that it's all so finite and transitory, and it almost compares to deep love. I feel like I really love these people because I know I'm going to lose them very soon. It's kind of beautiful though, and somehow we all feel it I think.

There's still time so lets make the best of it. The thought of going back home and back to how it was fills me with trepidation. I fear the old me will return and I will become weak and fragile. I fear falling back into old cycles of dysfunction. These three weeks in New York have been pure and free and innocent and playful and FUN... Like the time I got drunk in Chelsea and ended up back in a hotel room with two lesbians showing me all the electric goods they bought in the Hello Kitty store, or singing at BMW's and stroking that cute little dog with that Lithuanian girl, or hearing PALEFACE play at the Sidewalk Cafe, or shopping at the Salvation Army on 20th and 8th, or spraying stencils or skidding around in the rain or swinging off scaffolds or climbing big rocks in Central Park or taking photo's of skyscrapers or VIP passes to the Empire State or belly dancers or Energy drinks or Vodka Lime Tonics or scrawling 'hello' on the toilet wall of Esperanto cafe or playing frisbee or laughing or Banana Stacks with Maple Syrup, or saying 'gimme a slice' without saying please or thankyou, or Being Direct.

Yesterday it rained hard. I went to MOMA (Museum of Modern Art) and snuck in for free. Now I'm at Chelsea Piers. Gotta go find my sister..... BYE!